Over the weekend I was visiting my best friend in New York. I had been up there many times before this one and each time was great but this weekend was better than any other time that I was up there. He was very different with me, being with him these past several visits has shown me just how he really feels towards me. I can actually say that I love this man even more than I have ever had in all the six years that I have known him. I didn't think this was possible but this love that I feel and have towards him is unlike any love that I had before, even towards him. Sunday I was to leave his place around 8 pm so that I could get away from the traffic going back to Baltimore. But I ended out staying much later. He had to step out for a moment to take care of something in the building, while he was gone, I decided to go on the internet. I went to my TAGGED website and saw that I had a new friend. I opened the page and saw the friend but somehow lost the page,so I went to my friends list to find him and stumbled across a guy I had met awhile back. So I clicked his photo and went to his page. I went to leave a message, so I scrolled down and while scrolling I ended up on a video that was on his page. The video was about God and his daughter (relationship between man and God)he was standing behind her and everything God did she did and she was happy because she was following Gods plan and not her own, she was free. God then twirled her and let her go just a bit and the moment she wasn't with God, the devil took her by the hand and seduced her to his way of life. After the devil got hold of her and he released her to the ones who followed his path, he stripped her from the white clothing (clean) that she was wearing when shew was with God. When he ripped the white off, black was on half of her. She then met a woman who was drinking and she appeared to be having fun, so she followed that girl and did the same. When that girl left, she removed another white piece from her. She then met up with another woman (prostitute), she was walking the walk and the girl saw this to be cool and good, so she did what the prostitute did and the prostitute stripped her from the last of white that was on her, she was now all black(full of darkness).

She then was left in a state of confusion, she felt lost (mind you in this video there are no words, just music and what you see, very powerful). A man or something in dark clothing came up to her and directed her movements to cut her wrist with a knife.She refused at first but then followed his motions. Then he gave her a gun and directed her to put it against her head and shoot herself, she at first refused again but took the gun to her head and almost ended her life. She then held her head, shook her head and felt overwhelmed, she was confused and in the middle of chaos. She looked up towards God and reached out to him. So she ran towards God and when she did, the devil and his helpers grabbed her and pulled her back to them. She reached and reached for God and when God saw that she was reaching for him, he came to her and stood over her and protecting her from what was keeping her away from God. So he took the the grabbing and pulling for her, he shielded her from them, she was now under Gods love once again. God stood above her and placed a white robe over her and she was clean again. I cried while watching this. I felt her life, her life was my own. I cried because she was me. As I lied there wrapped in his blanket watching the this, I got up, found my clothes and put them on and packed my things. I saw that the life I was leading and the choices that I was making was taking me further and further away from God.

So when my friend came back, he saw that something was wrong and I told him what happened to me and showed him the video.It affected him too and then we talked from there. From that day on, our lives and our relationship to each other has been changing, changing for the better. For the first time in the 6 years that we have known each other, we read the bible together and it was good. What I thought I would feel about doing this with him, I did not. It felt natural. My relationship with others have changed as well. I am growing to be a different woman, I am feeling more and more free with every word that I read in Gods word. I am learning who I am. I don't think I have ever really known who Tiba is because Tiba has lived most of her life being and living the life that someone else wanted me to, changing myself to be who they saw me to be and not who I saw me to be, afraid of being me for so long that I lost myself. In each verse that I read, with each prayer I remove and let go of this Tiba and find out something new. Even with my other friend of whom I was seeing for awhile, my friendship with him has changed. We now read every morning and every afternoon on the drive in and back. I read while he drives and it helps him. Today for the first time in over a year and half, we prayed together. The fear that I have with reading the bible and praying with my children is quickly going away. I feel stronger in my love for God and my faith in what he has shown and given me. Everyday more and more makes sense and I understand.

I do see that when God is wanting to get your attention, we can keep ignoring him all we want, he will get you and if you continue to ignore him, the life that you are choosing over his, over him, will be that which will kill you.